We’re going to go see a movie. The newly weds will obviously sit in the front together, how adorable. They really are so cute. Now the rest of us have to cram in the back. That’s 5 of us. A couple people are already in the car and I wait for the other girl to go in first but she doesn’t get the hint and now we’re being yelled at for taking so long and somehow I end up next to you. I tried to avoid it, really I did. I didn’t want to sit right up next to you, crammed against your body. But the door is slammed shut, and it’s you, me, and the door. Everyone else is on the other side of you. So it’s not like I can talk to anyone else besides you. Not that I don’t want to talk to you, of course I do, but to have your undivided, focused attention, it’s a little unnerving.
You offer me a headphone and we start listening. You put your arm around me. You always put your arm around the back of the seat next to you but because we’re all crammed together, your arm ends up around me. I hate to admit it but I enjoy it. All of it. The arm, the headphones, the attention. I’ve felt this way for a long time but I can’t say I know about you. You’re way out of my league for one thing and I never picked up on anything from your end. So I quietly enjoy my time with you and try to hide my feelings because I know they won’t go anywhere. We talk about some of the songs and other stuff in general. I drop my bangs between my face and yours occasionally because the proximity makes me uncomfortable. You lean in really close and say things right into my ear when I do that.
After a fantastic 30 minutes that I thoroughly enjoy, we finally arrive to the movies. We don’t sit next to each other like we did last time. Afterwards, when I ask how you liked the movie, you tell me you don’t know because you weren’t really paying attention. My thoughts wander as to why but I quickly squash them before they wander too far. It’s nothing.
We have some time to kill before the party tonight so we head up to the roof with another friend. We get to the roof and climb up to the smaller and higher roof using a shaky ladder. You come up last to make sure everyone makes it up safely. You start to tell me about this movie. At first, I’m interested. You talk with your arm around the other friend. You guys are pretty tight so it’s cool. We sit on bricks and upside down buckets as you describe what happened.
After a while, I’m not even listening anymore. To be honest, this is starting to sound really boring. But I can’t bring myself to stop you. I want to stay here with you. I want to spend time with you. And this story is just not ending. I wonder if you’re stretching it to spend time with me. No, no you’re not. It’s not possible. I know how I feel but I’m pretty sure the feelings aren’t reciprocated so I just soak in the little moments I get with you.
At some point I realize we’re going to be late for the party if we don’t head down soon. You climb down the ladder first and hold it for our other friend. I climb down last with my back to the ladder. On the second to last step, I’m standing in between your arms, face to face with you, because you’re still holding the ladder. I look at you, waiting for you to move so I can step down. You look at me, and hold your arms steady for a few seconds longer than necessary. I think I see something in your eyes…could it be? No. No way. Not possible. You’re way out of my league.
“Hurry up!” says our other friend.
You move your arms, I step down, and just like that, the moment is over.
I came back into the room and sat down in front of the TV, with you. My thumb rubbed against the base of my ring finger on my right hand.
“Where’s my ring?”
It was a ring my cousin gave me. I had told her it looked very pretty on her and she took it off and gave it me. No hesitation. One of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.
I look over and you’re twirling it on your index finger, smirking.
“Give it back!”
I always turn a bit childish around you, probably to mask my true emotions but I bet you can see right through them.
“No. I found it and now it’s mine.”
“Give it back.”
“It’s mine now.”
I turn toward the TV with a frown on my face. After a bit of time of not really watching the TV and seething but also secretly enjoying the attention, I see your fist move in front of my face. You unfold your fingers and I see my ring. I glare at you and you nod. I smile and take the ring.
It has been a long time since I’ve crushed on someone. Like a very long time. But there’s this guy I’m currently crushing on. He’s so incredibly sweet, it’s unbelievable. He’s a busy guy but he made some time for me to just check in and because it was a rough time, I really appreciated it. That’s probably when the crushing started. Anyways, never met him in person but we skype all the time. He has a great sense of humor. We came together as part of an organization and we’ve been working together for about a month now. He’s a bit older but not sure by how much. Also, I can’t tell if he’s nice in general or just being ultra-nice to me. He messaged me wishing me luck on my exam, which I was surprised he remembered. Anyways, I’ve messaged him about 4 times over the space of a week about things relating to the organization work but he hasn’t replied to any. I don’t know why because that was our main form of communication so it’s not like he doesn’t use the chat. We skyped in between but I didn’t mention the chat and neither did he. I suspect something is going on but I don’t know what. The last two times we skyped with the whole crew, he hung around and we were the last two on the call. I stay on because I have to copy the side chat for the meeting minutes. But he doesn’t have to. So I suspect it’s because he just wants to chill but I don’t know. For now, keeping it to myself as always. If you haven’t noticed, I’m incredibly shy and until I am 100% the other person likes me back, I won’t say anything about my feelings to anyone. (which has never happened by the way) Anyways, just had to get it off my chest.