Crush

It has been a long time since I’ve crushed on someone. Like a very long time. But there’s this guy I’m currently crushing on. He’s so incredibly sweet, it’s unbelievable. He’s a busy guy but he made some time for me to just check in and because it was a rough time, I really appreciated it. That’s probably when the crushing started. Anyways, never met him in person but we skype all the time. He has a great sense of humor. We came together as part of an organization and we’ve been working together for about a month now. He’s a bit older but not sure by how much. Also, I can’t tell if he’s nice in general or just being ultra-nice to me. He messaged me wishing me luck on my exam, which I was surprised he remembered. Anyways, I’ve messaged him about 4 times over the space of a week about things relating to the organization work but he hasn’t replied to any. I don’t know why because that was our main form of communication so it’s not like he doesn’t use the chat. We skyped in between but I didn’t mention the chat and neither did he. I suspect something is going on but I don’t know what. The last two times we skyped with the whole crew, he hung around and we were the last two on the call. I stay on because I have to copy the side chat for the meeting minutes. But he doesn’t have to. So I suspect it’s because he just wants to chill but I don’t know. For now, keeping it to myself as always. If you haven’t noticed, I’m incredibly shy and until I am 100% the other person likes me back, I won’t say anything about my feelings to anyone. (which has never happened by the way) Anyways, just had to get it off my chest.

Dhak Dhak

Do you know a cutie? I mean, like someone that you may or may not like, who is just, in general, a cutie? Yeah, that guy. 

I know one of those.  His clothes, glasses, and of course, such a great personality. What’s not to love? I’m not like, into him, but man he is adorable/handsome. And let me set the record straight for those who are quick to judge: No, I’m not looking to “get” him. No, I’m not “thirsty”/desperate. No, I am in no mood to get married. No, I have not even considered boyfriends. 

But every time I see him, it’s like my voice gets caught in my throat. Today I asked him a question and my voice was so squeaky and shaky that I am almost threw up. I had to repeat myself because he couldn’t hear me. He can’t have that much of an effect on me. And then, when I answered one of his questions correctly, in my squeaky voice, mera dil dhak dhak karne laga. Like really fast. And I was like, WTH. WHY? I’m not even into him like that. He’s a nice guy and cute but no. Just, no. 

Maybe it’s teenage angst? But I don’t want a guy. I don’t want any sort of relationship with any guy. At all. At least not for another 2 years. So, just had to let that off my chest. Because I NEVER tell anyone if I think someone is cute, but I just had to get this one off my chest because it’s annoying the effect he has on me. And hopefully, it’s just something that will pass.