So, I was at Macy’s today, just browsing through clothes ya know. And that song Scream and Shout came on. And ok, I’ll admit, I think it’s catchy. But they didn’t censor it. At all. And Britney curses at least 5 times in that song. And I didn’t even flinch when she cursed. In fact, I did something worse. I sang the lyrics with her and the last word was a curse and it just came out of my mouth. I’ve become so used to hearing and reading bad language that sometimes I curse without even intending to.
And then, after that, another song came on. It was very inappropriate. I believe it is called Talk Dirty. It doesn’t have any curse words but it straight up talks about sex. No hiding it behind strange lyrics. And as I was trying to comprehend some of the lyrics, I ran into my friend and her mother. And it was great seeing them. But talking to her mother while that disgusting song was blasting in my ears was…embarrassing. I didn’t want to be around a mother who has such strong moral values while listening to such degrading music.
I just hate how I’m becoming so desensitized to cursing and inappropriate music.
Do you know a cutie? I mean, like someone that you may or may not like, who is just, in general, a cutie? Yeah, that guy.
I know one of those. His clothes, glasses, and of course, such a great personality. What’s not to love? I’m not like, into him, but man he is adorable/handsome. And let me set the record straight for those who are quick to judge: No, I’m not looking to “get” him. No, I’m not “thirsty”/desperate. No, I am in no mood to get married. No, I have not even considered boyfriends.
But every time I see him, it’s like my voice gets caught in my throat. Today I asked him a question and my voice was so squeaky and shaky that I am almost threw up. I had to repeat myself because he couldn’t hear me. He can’t have that much of an effect on me. And then, when I answered one of his questions correctly, in my squeaky voice, mera dil dhak dhak karne laga. Like really fast. And I was like, WTH. WHY? I’m not even into him like that. He’s a nice guy and cute but no. Just, no.
Maybe it’s teenage angst? But I don’t want a guy. I don’t want any sort of relationship with any guy. At all. At least not for another 2 years. So, just had to let that off my chest. Because I NEVER tell anyone if I think someone is cute, but I just had to get this one off my chest because it’s annoying the effect he has on me. And hopefully, it’s just something that will pass.
These past few days have been stressful as hell and I just needed to dump out the contents of my flooded brain. I had tests last Thursday and Friday and then I had one this morning and I have one on Wednesday. I’ve been cooped up in my room or the library for the past week and a half studying, or at least trying to.
I can’t figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. There are literally so many things I could do. And I realize that no one can, or should, tell me what to do. It’s something I need to discover for myself. At the moment, I would love not to work 9-5 and I want to be able to do several things at once. I like being involved in the community. I love organizing events and seeing them come through successfully. I love to be in charge. This may not be the most selfless thing, but I really love praise. I love to hear people tell me I did a good job when I put my time and effort into something that I care about. So, I guess that means I want to create stuff. But what kind of stuff, I’m not quite sure.
I recently went to the ceremony for my Girl Scout Gold Award. When I was working on my project, I hated it and I really didn’t want to do it because I had already been accepted to college and so there was no incentive for me. But I’m really glad I did it. And the ceremony helped me to realize what a big deal take action projects are. We are helping our community. We are fixing problems that we face daily and locally. And that’s something I want to continue to do.